Open Letter:

Dear you,

I know that you’ll never read this; but, it’s here.

To you, a girl who stuck between a rock and a hard place. I beg you to know your worth and know that you are loved. Know that you do not need such things to be happy and that you can be happy on your own. It’s difficult to see you in a lose-lose situation and to not be able to help you. All that I can do is tell you what I foresee in the future of both paths. All I can do is tell you that you need not choose either and that you may have the courage to walk away from it all- to forge your own new path. There is no shame in being alone, tending your wounds, and coming out stronger than before. Your friends and loved ones will always be there to support you, no matter what your decision is. Everything in life is a learning experience.

You deserve better. I pray you find the strength to realize that.

Best of luck to you,

timmo.

Birthday blues

Once a year, we celebrate the anniversary of life. Everyone has a birthday- good or bad. Yesterday marked my 26th year of life. Cheers to that.

I usually get a bit of the birthday blues, every year. Though it is a day of celebration, happiness, attention, love, compassion, and other fluffy adjectives- it is also another day to reflect on what I’ve done in life and what I’ve accomplished. What are my ragrets (joke) and are they even really regrets? Am I proud of what I have become? I guess I could have contemplated all of this on another day; but, what’s the fun in that? *devilish smile*

On the way to Hawaii, I spoke to an interesting, yet very wise woman, who opened my eyes to the value and worth of things and concepts in life. She also gave her philosophy that you should try and measure situations with someone else’s measuring stick, and not just yours. Kind of like, walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. Until we can truly see the person’s intentions from their perspective, we cannot truly judge them or label them based upon our own perspective. Through one’s eyes, an action may seem atrocious and through another’s, it may have been a sensible solution. She also talked to me about worth, value, courage, and strength. She beckoned me to think about who or what is truly with my time. She encouraged me to value myself, value my time, my body, and my spirit. Lastly, she told me to have the courage and strength to walk away from certain situations and stand up to others. She told me of her many experiences in life where she took the back seat to certain decisions and events. She learned that she did not value herself enough to be strong. And so, she told me to learn from her mistakes and to value myself. I am worth much more than mediocrity- and that I settling for mediocrity is conforming to mediocrity.

At the same time, we applied the value and worth thing toward love. She asked me who I would find worthy of my time? Who would I value in the end? What qualities would I value in a woman? Lastly, would that girl be worth seeing through her all faults, imperfections, and insecurities? It gave me a lot to think about, when searching for “the one.” I won’t elaborate on my thoughts but it really got me to think about what I truly want and who I truly consider as worth it.

I didn’t really reflect on all of that until yesterday, which was pretty stupid of me; but OH WELL. It was my birthday and it’s a societal expectation that you respect the way that I spent it. 😛 Honestly, my birthday was rather uneventful- which was to be expected from a birthday that takes place on a Wednesday. I worked, did homework, and somewhat cleaned my room. I had my annual solo Thai food dinner, minus the Thai tea this time around. It was a quiet and relaxing evening to say the least. I don’t ragret it by any means; but yes, I do wish I had a bit more fun. Oh well. There’s always next year. I’ll probably go shopping to buy myself a nice gift. It’s always good to self-reward/self-motivate.

Thank you to everyone who greeted me happy birthday. You are all wonderful people and I’m sorry that I almost never say happy birthday back.

timmo.